I have recently been training a horse in my free time. We have a few older “finished” horses, but I have one that needs a little tune up. He is gentle and willing to learn. I have learned over the years that horses need to know when they do something right. They need rewards when they do the correct thing. This usually means a break or allowing them to stand still and catch their breath. I also try to scratch their neck or hindquarters to let them know they made the right choice. I want my horses to like me and not resent me. You could say that I want them to know that I am their friend, not their enemy. If I only correct them harshly, never offer breaks, and deal with them in frustration, they’ll lose that willingness to learn. They’ll begin to resent everything I do while riding them. Then when I do actually need to fix a problem, they’ll be less inclined to respond to the correction.
The same thing is true for people. Often we need correction and discipline in our spiritual lives. Correction can be a good thing. 2 Timothy 3:16 tells us that one of the uses for God’s word is to correct. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” Godly correction should lead to repentance and life change. Often the Lord will use fellow believers in our lives to show us where we need correction. It’s not always fun, but it can be fruitful. If you are a follower of Jesus, then you must be in the daily habit of listening to correction; correction from God’s word, from the Holy Spirit, and even from Christians in your life.
However, it is important to remember that Godly correction is received best from people who actually care about you. Just like horses, if someone only offers you negative, biting criticism all the time, you will eventually stop listening to that person. Even though criticism and correction can sting, we are more likely to receive it well when coming from a trusted friend. Proverbs 27:6 tells us “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” A true spiritual friend wants to correct you (wound you) so that you can change and grow to be more like Jesus. A critical person often corrects only to tear you down. This is one of the things I’ve had to learn in my spiritual life. There are people you should listen to, because they care about your spiritual well-being, and there are people whose criticism you should ignore, because they only care about themselves. This can be an especially hard thing for people who want to make others happy, but this realization can give you freedom.
These principles also apply when you are the person offering correction. What is your motivation? Do you genuinely care about this person's spiritual well-being and maturity? Is this correction coming from a spirit of godly friendship? My prayer is that I would receive correction well and that I would offer correction as a true friend. Remember, horses that only know a harsh hand will instinctively react in distrust, but a horse that knows a gentle hand will respond well to firm correction.